My Ability to Love Is More Powerful than the Pain of an Offense.
Love is the most powerful feeling that I could ever experience. Love is stronger than hate. 
Love is stronger than pain.I love those who have hurt me. Loving others doesn’t mean that I approve of their offense. Rather, it’s simply my way of preventing bitterness from taking root in me and destroying me from the inside out. An offense hurts, but bitterness destroys, that is why I choose to love and to forgive.When another person hurts me, love reveals to me the hurt inside that person. People who hurt others are often hurting even more themselves. Through love, I can see that person differently and, rather than just forgive them, I can actually begin to feel love for them.When someone hurts me, love causes me to pray for them. When I pray for another, my feelings toward them transform to feelings of care and concern.To be able to love someone past the hurt, I first evaluate their intentions. People are not perfect and sometimes do things they don’t mean to do. In those instances, I am gracious and humble enough to accept people just the way they are.There are some people who are hurtful on purpose. Those people are the hardest to love, but they are the ones that need the most love. Instead of stepping down to their level and engaging in immature behavior, I choose to love them anyway.Today, I choose to love others regardless of how they treat me. My heart is free from the chains of bitterness that try to trap me. Offenses have no authority over my heart.
Self-Reflection Questions:
1. Dealing with Hurt
a. How have you hurt someone else?
b. How has another person hurt you?
2. Overcoming Anger, Guilt and Shame
a. How can you harness and then diminish your anger?
b. How do you process your guilt?
c. When have you felt shame?
3. Assess Your Willingness to Forgive
a. Are you willing to look for some blessing in the situation which caused you pain?
b. Are you willing to see the situation from the other person’s point of view?
The Freeing Power of Forgiveness
The Freeing Power of Forgiveness
By Moses Jones
You hear it a lot of times. “You should forgive.” But for people that have been wronged, it may be hard to forgive the person that has wronged you. What may be going through your head is that the person who wronged you is just going to get off. You don’t want him to get away with what he’s done to you. You want him to suffer, probably in the same way you have suffered, and for that reason you find yourself unable to forgive.
Forgiveness is not about the other person it is about you. The other person has wronged you and he is likely sitting down and enjoying his life. While you are being tormented with this wrong he has done you. There is also a possibility that he is actually torn up from what he has done.
“That’s good!” you say. Not necessarily, while it may feel good in some perverse way to see the person who wronged you get wronged himself, it doesn’t resolve your life. You are still left with the hurt from the injustice. In holding on to bitterness of the wrong that has been done to you, you are actually giving that person power over your life and you are making yourself a slave to your past.
As much as it hurts, you have to let go and forgive the offender. Just let go and move on and start enjoying your life. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone what he did, but that you are going to leave it in the hands of God. At least you know that he has something coming for him. Meanwhile, you must go on with your life and begin the healing process.
Holding on to the anger of what was done to you and living your life and making your choices based on that is a lot like taking a sharp object and re-opening a wound that has begun to heal so the blood keeps flowing from it. It is unhealthy and eventually, you may lose too much blood and you will die. Likewise, you may find that you have been angry and bitter for so long that it will be extremely difficult for you to turn around.
While it was not your fault that you were wronged and you didn’t have control over his actions, you do have control over your own reactions and how you will live your life after the fact. Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and freedom that will help you not look back. Life never goes backwards it is always moving ahead.
Visit Truth and Insight, a website that provides advice in various aspects of life, there’s also recommendations.
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The Healing Power of Forgiveness
By Mary Zemites
When we suffer the death of someone we love, we experience mental, emotional and physical distress. In this fragile state, it is likely that we will feel resentment, indignation or anger. Sometimes these feelings may be the result of a perceived offense or difference with someone we know. They might be directed at a person we hold responsible for the death or even, perhaps, with our deceased loved one.
During the final stages of my husband’s illness and after his death, I remember being surprised at the support and kindness of many people. Some, I hardly knew. I was also surprised by the absence of support and/or inappropriate remarks made by family and friends. One family member told me with great urgency that my children didn’t stand a chance. Her claim was that children of single parents are “always problems and in trouble.” Other comments, such as “It’s a blessing that his suffering is over” seemed flippant. Didn’t they know that any young father would gladly suffer in order to watch his children grow up! Everyone who suffers a loss experiences similar situations.
When we think of forgiving others, it may seem an impossible task in our distressed state of mind. We think, “I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m offended. Why should I have to forgive? I’m the injured party!” It takes great effort and strength to forgive. We are tired and emotionally spent. It is easier to push grudges out of our consciousness or to nurture them into anger in order to focus our emotional energy. The problem with avoiding forgiveness is that it is detrimental to our healing
It has been my life experience that what goes around, comes around. I know I have made countless blunders in my life-conscious and unconscious-and I always have the expectation of being forgiven. So it is only right that I should forgive others. But that doesn’t make the task any easier.
It may be surprising to learn that we can benefit greatly from forgiving others. In fact, we benefit far more than those we forgive. Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments. This information is not new. The ancient Buddhist religion views forgiveness as a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. Buddhism recognizes that feelings of ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind “karma.” And Judeo-Christian philosophy places great importance on forgiveness as a path to redemption.
Forgiveness is a vital step in the healing we need to recover from the loss of someone we love. Lewis B. Smedes writes, “If you’ve been hurt, do you deserve to go on hurting? Or do you deserve to be healed?” So, the question of forgiveness is whether we and our future are worth it. I think we are. And this makes forgiving easier.
The bereavement support group I attended after my husband died was led by a woman whose daughter had been murdered. One night she talked about forgiving the murderer of her child. After a couple of years, she had been able to forgive him and even request that his death sentence be changed to a life sentence. At the time I couldn’t understand why she felt the need to forgive him, much less how she could manage to forgive him. In time, when I understood that forgiving others is a vital key to our own healing, it became clear that this was the reason she had forgiven her daughter’s murderer. She could never truly heal until she forgave this man.
As we begin the process of forgiveness, we should be conscious of these common misconceptions:
* Forgiveness will make us feel better right away. (In reality, making the decision to forgive will be only the beginning of a slow, but ultimately satisfying process.)
* Forgiveness will only make the other person feel better. (The forgiven person often doesn’t even feel the need to be forgiven or know they have hurt you.)
* In order to forgive, we must tell the other person. (As above, the forgiven person often doesn’t know or care to be forgiven.)
* To forgive means to forget. (We may never forget the actions that we have forgiven.)
A clergyman once spoke about the difficulty of forgiveness by citing a personal example. After being grievously wronged, he felt the urge to run his car over the perpetrator. As he worked to find forgiveness, he imagined lightly braking, then braking completely and even stopping and waving. As he reached true forgiveness, he could imagine stopping and even offering the person a ride.
While this example might be comical, it illustrates how we must work on the process of letting go of our anger. Forgiveness is a process. It does not happen instantaneously. It is a journey of the heart.
We must internalize these truths as we deal with forgiveness:
* Forgiveness involves the mind, emotion and will.
* Forgiveness requires a conscious conviction of need to forgive for our own benefit.
* Forgiveness attempts to understand the other person.
* We must desire to forgive.
* We must choose to forgive.
If we keep in mind that it is ourselves who will reap the greatest rewards of forgiveness, we can find the strength to take these steps. And these steps will move us forward on our journey of healing.
About the Author:
Mary Zemites, widowed in 1992, is a bereavement facilitator and the owner of InTimeOfSorrow.com. Mary invites you to visit her website for bereavement gifts and resources, http://InTimeOfSorrow.com/. To explore the Grief Resources section of the site for links to books and publications, counseling, and workshops beneficial to the grieving process, click: http://InTimeOfSorrow.com/.
(c) Copyright, Mary C. Zemites. All right reserved worldwide.
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Prospering Power of Forgivness Teleconference Materials Ready
Thank you for your patience in waiting for the posting of the study materials, handouts and recording of the teleconference. There were issues with the recording that I have tried my best to resolve. The volume of the recording is lower than optimal so you may need to increase the volume of your computer speakers or wear a headset to listen to the recording. I hope that you find the materials useful. You may gain access by the page link in the right column Prospering Power of Forgiveness Teleconference Materials or click this link: Prospering Power of Forgiveness Teleconference Materials
Rev. Brian and I invite your comments and questions in the comments area of this post or send us an e-mail to revbgriffin@gmail.com and charles@prosperingtimes.com
Thank you
Let Go, Forgive and Move On
Let Go, Forgive and Move On
By Darren L Johnson
Have you ever lain awake at two o’clock in the morning, feeling guilty, stressed, and overwhelmed because of a loss you have experienced? Do you have trouble letting go of past mistakes? We have all experienced being stuck in a rut, even when we are doing all the right activities to let go and move ahead? What is the “stuff” that keeps us stuck in a rut? Where do we begin letting go?
Jim Rohn said, “You don’t get in life what you want, you get in life what you are.” We are the sum of our thoughts. When we don’t focus our thoughts effectively, they can become scattered and fixated on “stuff” that can lead to negative notions, toxic relationships, and fear of taking risks. How can one begin to learn to let go?
One of seven steps in developing the art of letting go of stuff is to acknowledge that you have “stuff.” Acknowledgment leads to acceptance and acceptance can lead to self-forgiveness, and eventually to a conscious change. In 1992, after the death of my Mom, I was distraught, angry, and frustrated over why she died at such a young age. For a long while this “stuff” interfered with my ability to be effective on the job, in my relationships, and in better understanding who I was as a person. Once I took inventory of my internal dialog and acknowledged my feelings, I was able to begin letting go of the notion that she was “gone too soon.”
Taking inventory of and acknowledging what you want to let go will help you to bring about acceptance of the “stuff” in your life. One can’t let go until one has accepted, or realized there is a need to let go.
To accept our “stuff” we must be willing to do something else that is critical. We must forgive. In the space between acknowledgment and acceptance is the opportunity to forgive. By forgiving one’s self, and then others, that space between acknowledging and accepting becomes smaller and smaller until they eventually become aligned. Once there is alignment, it becomes easier to continue the process of letting go and getting unstuck.
Forgiveness allows you to begin moving from a place of pain and suffering to one of peace and harmony. Though much more may be involved, below are three steps to get you started on forgiving yourself.
- Make a list of those you need and would like to forgive (include yourself)
- Give yourself permission to forgive those listed
- Ask them to forgive you; and accept their responses even if you disagree
Congratulations for being willing to let go, forgive, and move on – and for beginning today.
Darren L Johnson is the Nation’s leading expert on Letting Go of Stuff. He is author of the book Letting Go of Stuff: Powerful Secrets To Simplify Your Life. Learn more at about letting go at http://www.LettingGoOfStuff.info.
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Spiritual Forgiveness: Creating a Reason to Forgive
Creating a Reason to Forgive - A Choice That Can Heal and Prosper Your Life
Who Says I Must Forgive? There are compelling reasons to forgive found in sacred writings and psychological literature. However, probably the most convincing reason to forgive is our own instinctual realization that we will feel better if we could do something about our negative feelings toward ourselves or someone else.
Christian Scripture:
- Matthew 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
The evidence from scripture strongly implies the importance and the healing effect of forgiveness upon the soul and the body. However, all of the evidence in the world is of no benefit to you if you do not first make the choice to forgive and then act on the choice. Once you have chosen to forgive, your next step is to take action in the forgiveness process.
So I Choose to Forgive, Where Do I Begin? If your spiritual path is that of a Christian, I suggest that you begin by reading Rev. Gary Inrig's book, Forgiveness. He clearly puts forgiveness into a Christian context and demonstrates how seeking forgiveness, practicing repentance, granting forgiveness, and expressing grace; glorify God and reveal His character.
For an inclusive spiritual approach that has foundational elements in psychology and philosophy, I recommend the book Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping and its associated exercises and practices. Tipping states that one does not have to believe all of the assumptions of Radical Forgiveness in order for its practice to make a difference in one's life. The emphasis is on your willingness to forgive. To coin a phrase, even if your willingness to forgive is as small as a mustard seed, you can still experience forgiveness using the Radical Forgiveness techniques. The Radical Forgiveness website, www.radicalforgiveness.com, offers an excellent introduction to the Radical Forgiveness process.
Take the Next Step
If you have chosen to forgive and you find an approach to forgiveness that is appealing, your next step is to follow through by reading one of the cited books or one of the many forgiveness books currently available. Then connect with someone you already know who has some creditable experience with forgiveness and begin an empowering conversation around forgiveness. Making such an intentional start will initiate resonances that will lead you into an expanding experience of forgiveness.
When it is all said and done, regardless of emphasis, most of the experts tend to agree that forgiveness benefits both the forgiver and the forgiven. Practicing forgiveness makes sense as a gift you give to yourself. It also makes sense as a practice that you do for another, by contributing to the healing of their pain and guilt, you heal your own pain. Probably the most significant reason to seek or grant forgiveness is that your practice of forgiveness brings more love into the world and helps to demonstrate the possibility that we humans can live and work together for our mutual benefit without destroying ourselves or the planet we share with all of God's earthly creation.
Finally, your very next step can be to join us in the forgiveness conversation at http://www.weforgive.ning.com You will have access to more forgiveness articles, have the ability to ask questions and discuss your forgiveness insights and explorations with others.
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Forgiveness Is Food for the Soul
by Tracey Mulry
Hatred and anger are such a waste of energy. These toxic emotions create stress, ill will and put so much negativity into the world when the focus should be on peace and calm. When there is conflict in our lives, it is difficult to concentrate and perform our daily activities. Our health suffers. Without realizing, those closest to us are affected as negativity permeates we touch or associate with.
Often when there is bad blood with someone, just the thought of their name can create stress in your body. Relationships are such an important part of day to day living. It is not disputed that when someone causes you pain, it is only natural that the first reaction is to lash out and hurt them. That person could also be having a tough time of life and the closest person is often the target. Often words that are spoken are done in the heat of the moment. Once spoken, it is difficult to retract words that are spiteful and unkind. An email or SMS that is sent in haste in anger is then out there forever. Too late – you can’t change what has been said. It cannot be taken back or revoked.
Being able to forgive and move on is not always the easiest task to do. Accepting that someone who has wronged you wants to say sorry, it is equally important to allow that person that opportunity. How much courage and strength has it taken to be able to front up, knowing that a possible rejection could be likely?
Saying sorry can be laced with so many hidden agendas if it does not come from the heart. When you forgive someone who has caused you pain and suffering, hurt and anguish, a door opens in your heart that allows you to receive the apology offered – and it must be received with good grace.
Notice how good it feels when the healing of the relationship has taken place. The stress, agitation, anger and het up feelings that go with anger are replaced with a calmness and tranquility.
The ability to both forgive and say sorry require no more than going into your heart and understanding that goes around usually comes around. If you can forgive and say sorry, the chances are that other people will also do the same for you.
Visit http://www.challengeofhappiness.com today for a step by step guided program towards helping you achieve true happiness in your life.
The Challenge of Happiness guides through a step by step process towards living a balanced and happy life. Tracey Mulry will be your happiness and success strategist and help you boost your self esteem, become a positive person, maintain healthy relationships, overcome stress, learn to relax and remove negative emotions from your life. Take the online course today and live a happy life!
Tracey Mulry is an extraordinary individual who is now a success and happiness strategist, author, inspirational Australian, motivational speaker. Tracey guides you towards finding your true happiness through her life skills and wealth of experience. From the lowest of the low now soaring to new heights of self esteem, Tracey and her program can help you achieve your goals.
http://www.challengeofhappiness.com
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The Power of Forgiveness by Rabbi Vicki Axe
“I forgive you.”
Three of the most powerful words in the English language. And perhaps three of the most difficult to utter. The sacred command to seek forgiveness and to forgive is the ultimate task of the Jewish New Year season. The 10 days beginning with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and ending with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, are known as the Ten Days of Repentance. With heads bowed in contrition, we gather every year to recite communal and personal litanies of confession and forgiveness. We pray that God, arbiter and judge, will respond to the sincerity and humility of our words with love and compassion.
The Divine injunction to confess our sins is clear, and the holy instruction to atone for our sins is clear. These prayers are even recited daily for the month leading up to the New Year and on Yom Kippur we recite these prayers not once, but five times. We ask God for forgiveness, and we ask one another for forgiveness, reciting in unison, “For transgressions against God, the Day of Atonement atones, but for transgressions of one human being against another, the Day of Atonement does not atone until they have made peace with one another.”
The text that follows is equally, if not more compelling: “I hereby forgive all who have hurt me, all who have wronged me, whether deliberately or inadvertently, whether by word or by deed. May no one be punished on my account.” So it is not enough to confess and repent in our hearts. We are commanded to seek forgiveness from God and from those whom we have hurt or wronged. And we are commanded to grant forgiveness, to forgive those who have hurt us, to forgive ourselves.
We are living in an era of distrust, distrust for everything and everyone. We profile people on first glance before we ever take the time to find out who they are. I am reminded of the movie Babel. In one film we are witness to a vacationing couple viewed as ugly Americans, peaceful Moroccan shepherds assumed to be terrorists, a hardworking Asian businessman surveyed as an arms dealer, a loving Mexican housekeeper accused of kidnapping the very children she cares for, a deaf teenager struggling with acceptance among her classmates. All are victims of profiling.
We all do it. I was pregnant with my oldest son, Judah, waiting for a subway in New York, alone on the platform, when two black men appeared. I just wanted to disappear as I feared for my life and the life of my unborn son. They started walking toward me and actually came into my space. And when they were almost in my face, they looked me right in the eye and said “So what do you think it’s gonna be — a boy or a girl?” I felt immediately relieved and very ashamed. This was in 1978 before we knew the word profiling, but that is exactly what I did. I would love to find those two gentlemen now and seek forgiveness. I guess the best I can do is to forgive myself.
We’ve become an angry, unforgiving society. People across political lines are unable to forgive the opposing side for differing points of view. People across cultural lines are unable to forgive each other for differing ways of life. People across lines of ideology are unable to seek reconciliation through diplomacy and dialogue. Forgiveness is a very powerful weapon when it is used as an overture to dialogue to find common ground.
I suggest that as the Jewish community prepares for the Ten Days of Repentance, the world community can follow our lead to reach across lines of misunderstanding and hurt and anger. The Rev. Noel McInnis is vice president of the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance, a nondenominational educational foundation born out of that fateful day on 9/11 when our lives were changed forever. Dedicated to evoking the healing power of forgiveness worldwide, he suggests that “Since nothing can be forgiven for us that is not first forgiven by and through us, there is only one species of forgiveness: self forgiveness.” And once we forgive ourselves for being who we are, we can turn to those around us and offer forgiveness. We can turn to the world and offer forgiveness. We can say, “I forgive you.” Three of the most powerful words in the English language. And perhaps three of the most difficult to utter. It will be the most healing, liberating act we can ever perform. It will transform us.
Rabbi Vicki L. Axe is spiritual leader of Congregation Shir Ami in Greenwich, www.congregationshirami.org
HeroHusband Talks About Forgiveness in Marriage
Featured Forgiveness Article for August 2009
Forgiveness is the Most Powerful Healing Tool of All
By Ana Holub
What is Forgiveness?
What do you mean when you say the word "forgiveness"? For me, it means surrender, letting go, allowing, and acceptance. Acceptance of what is, of what has been, and acceptance of ourselves just the way we are. Forgiveness means that we choose to love LOVE more than we choose to hate the world.
There are many ways to define "forgiveness". Traditional Forgiveness implies that even though something really terrible happened, we stop obsessing over it. We "let bygones be bygones" and we allow the passage of time to help soothe our aching hearts. We may even move toward a kind of partial compassion with the thought, "he or she didn't know any better" or "they were doing the best they could."
With Traditional Forgiveness, there are distinct roles that we and our adversaries play, which usually take the form of victim and perpetrator. Sometimes we are the victims, and the other person is the perpetrator. In these cases, we often feel anger, fear, betrayal, jealousy, disillusionment and hatred when we contemplate what happened. In other situations, we are the perpetrators, and we feel fear, guilt, shame and despair when we think about what we did to our victim(s).
Forgiveness and Conflict
Distressing situations often happen during childhood. Developmentally, we must respond from a child's innocent point of view, and most people retain both the pain and the beliefs that were triggered from hurtful family and social interactions. We also feel the deep impact of societal conditioning, and we take on ideas about who we are as we relate to our gender, color, appearance, intellect, economic status, and sexual preferences.
Each traumatic event stands out in our minds, illustrated by many colorful details. We remember what happened (or, to be more accurate, we conjure up a current version of our story about what happened) and we begin to feel the familiar corresponding painful emotions. When our memories stir up uncomfortable emotions, we often repress them deep into our subconscious minds.
Our minds think, "If I feel that much pain again, I won't make it. I'll die!". I can't handle it. If I go in there, I'll never get out."
In reaction to the painful events of our lives, we form conclusions about the nature of reality. We attach our life essence to certain unconscious beliefs about what is real, about the way life works, about who, what and how we are. Some of our most popular beliefs are:
I'm not good enough
I'm unlovable
I must have done something horribly wrong
I can't do it right
I'll never be good enough
Everyone will leave me
The world is a dangerous place
I can't trust
God hates me
Sometimes we are not aware that we are actually harboring these beliefs about ourselves and about life. "Not me!" we think. Well, unless we are living in absolute unity with the Oneness at every moment of our existence, some of these stowaway beliefs may still be crouching in the recesses of our minds. We can tell if they are around by listening to our thoughts as we go about our day.
Perhaps these thoughts are more familiar:
It'll never turn out right
Those people are idiots
Watch your back - you never know what's coming
They don't like me
Those people always get the breaks (and I don't)
Money is filthy and unspiritual
I hate my body
Old age is a drag
I can never decide
The weather sucks
I can't do it because...
Sound familiar?
Our physical bodies are also excellent barometers. The quality of our thoughts directly affects our brains, hearts, blood and overall health. Aches, syndromes, diseases and physical weaknesses of all sorts are indications of what is going on in our minds.
Even the way we breathe and the way we relax (or don't relax) give us hints about the inner workings of our thoughts and emotions. The more we obsess about the upsetting events that have occurred in our lives, the more we actually create experiences of fear, defensiveness, attack and withdrawal, which reoccur as unhealthy patterns throughout our lives.
These themes are usually easier to see in the lives of everyone else, but as we sharpen our desire to live in the truth of what is, rather than the illusion of how we wish life would be, we begin to honestly look at our own discordant patterns. It is at this point in our development that forgiveness begins to shine like a warm beacon of hope and new possibilities.
When we forgive, we don't need to condone the actions that were done by ourselves or others. We can still empower ourselves and we may choose to use the legal system for support in seeking justice. This is the arena in which apologies, reconciliation, compensation, mediation and other conflict resolution techniques are helpful and appropriate.
Radical Forgiveness
With Radical Forgiveness, we explore the deep pain that we feel when we perceive that we were attacked or betrayed, or when we attack or betray someone else. We also honestly touch upon the places where we have attacked or betrayed our divine Self. This is the pain and sadness of the human condition, of feeling separate, alone and afraid.
Radical Forgiveness adds another element to the picture: the World of Divine Truth. This is not a religious idea; rather, it is an awareness that who we are is not just physical, emotional and mental -in addition, we are all sacred spiritual beings, having a temporary human experience. We realize that on a spiritual level, no one is ever hurt or healed. We are in a state of perfect, eternal wholeness, in unity with our Creator at all times.
If this is so, then what is the purpose of this human life? One purpose is that we are participating in an Earth school for our souls, so that we can expand our conscious awareness of the Oneness that we are. Then what do the patterns of trauma and heartbreak mean? How can we understand the lessons we have come to learn?
We begin to understand that everyone who has played a part in our individual dramatic play was there as a purposeful, eternal friend. We start to take responsibility for everything that we have created, knowing that we also - simultaneously - played an essential part for everyone we have ever touched.
We realize, "So life wasn't out to get me after all!" We learn to include ALL of what has taken place, no matter what it felt like or looked like. Bringing this new vitality all the way into the physical cells of our body, we wash away old beliefs with loving, forgiving compassion.
Find your freedom by forgiving your world!
Ana Holub is a forgiveness counselor, teacher, poet and mediator. She specializes in practical skills for your happiness and peaceful inner connection. She uses breath, silence, honesty, exploration, emotional release and prayer to give you great results.Get free downloads and learn more about how forgiveness can open up a whole new life for you! Individual, couples or group sessions. Phone sessions, too! http://www.anaholub.com
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